Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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