Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
