My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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