I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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