How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
