I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
