I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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