So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
