I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
