I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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