I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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