when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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