6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I wear drunk well.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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