Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
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