I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
