apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
