Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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