Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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