Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
