I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
