Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
