We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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