Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
