I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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