the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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