Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
