I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
