he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
