it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
