I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
