I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It's never too late to be topless.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
