Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
