God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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