Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
