i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
