I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
