hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
