i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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