This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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