just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
