that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
