Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize