so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
