Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
