can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
