remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
