glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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