You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
