My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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