So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
