Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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