Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
