can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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