Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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