she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
