He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
