At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
