Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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