Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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