btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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