Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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