these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
