I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
