i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
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I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.