Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
