4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot