idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You need Xanax blowdarts
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend