would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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