just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
