I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
