hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
