He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
