I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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