So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
